He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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