he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
