Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
