i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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