bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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