How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
