god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
