If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.