Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze