Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...