He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize