Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
