well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
