I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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