I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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