But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
