apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
