dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm like, not good at living.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
