Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Who died my cat blue again?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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