it wasn't lemon gatorade
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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