Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
