We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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