Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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