The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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