Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
