I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
