I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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