It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dear god my vagina.
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