I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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