I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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