Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
