also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
