You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
kristin has been a bad kristin
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
