i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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