I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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