i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
