tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize