Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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