plz talk dirty to me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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