You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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