Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
