I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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