I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
