She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
