You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
