Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
