she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
