why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
