Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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