we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
