State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
