we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
