I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
