Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
