Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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