im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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