hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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