Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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