And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
